


Impatient Evening

by anastronomicalsmile



Series: Barely in My Body [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Body Dysphoria, Canon Trans Character, Dissociation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, not gender dysphoria though!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:02:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastronomicalsmile/pseuds/anastronomicalsmile
Summary: Ever since Lup was put back in her body, she's having trouble adjusting to life where the people she loves remember her and hold her.  But so is her family, so.  They're doing it together.





	1. Taako

**Author's Note:**

> So this used to be titled "Barely in My Body" but I've restructured the way I want the story presented so it's a series of interconnected chapters rather than a multichaptered fic.

            She couldn’t bear silence anymore, but the world bringing itself back from the apocalypse was peaceful.  Quiet.  Kind of maddening.  Lup had spent the last four minutes trying to shut herself down a bit to get some rest, to at least sit still and mediate for like _a fucking minute_.  _Fuck me sideways.  One fucking minute of rest._   She had put on a record, one that Barry had collected in his time on this world.  He said it reminded him of her.  This track, playing now was warm, and gentle, and careful: the way Lup was with Barry after a long day.  But Barry wasn’t _here_ , so Lup spent another twelve torturous minutes trying to shake out her anxiety or read more than three sentences in a book or play some counting game her aunt taught her but.  It wasn’t enough.  Nothing she did was ever enough anymore. 

            She had left the door open, for Barry when he comes home, _in the next hour._   _You spent ten years chilling in an umbrella.  Barry’s here at the end of the hour.  You know that.  He will call if he’s running late, and he will come home.  Then we’ll bone super good.  And sleep for eleven hours._ This sequence of statements that she hoped were true ran through her head for not even a minute when she heard footsteps approaching from down the hall.  Not as heavy as she expected, as she had been waiting for.  Something light. _Of course._

 

            “What’s up, sis.”  She caught Taako standing just inside the door, in his pajamas but still bouncing from the day.  “I can hear you thinking down the hall.”  When she turned to face him, something in her eyes crumbled, and _it was her brother._   The moment he saw her stepping towards him he had her wrapped in a big hug, and the bouncing and the very loud thinking stopped.  He was _warm_ and _lived in_.  Lup has only had her body back for about a month, and she has her regular motor functions but she has about ten years of cuddles and kisses and wrestling matches and hugs with her family to make up for, so.  Sure.  Maybe she’s a little thirsty for it.  She pushed her head into the crook of his neck, they just stood together, close, and breathing.    

            “Hey Lulu.”

            “Having a body is so fucking weird.”  She spoke into his skin. 

            “I’m right there with you on that, bubelah,” Taako spoke into her hair, kissing her head with a softness you wouldn’t find in his voice.  “Come on, let’s make some spiced cocoa.”

 

            They were in the kitchen, practically emptying out the spice cabinet and throwing together a mixture for the cocoa.  Lup dumped the whole contained of cocoa powder they had, and generously added sugar and brown sugar and some more sugar and a bit of salt.  Taako came by cinnamon, clove, nutmeg.  Cardamom.  Vanilla.  _Real vanilla, not imitation.  God, what kind of monster do you think me????_   _We saved the fucking multi-verse, we can have some nice vanilla._ Allspice?  Sure!  Cayenne?  Yep! Tumeric?  Ginger?  Why the fuck not???  The chucklefucks they lived with would eat cow tongue every day if the twins made it.  Because everything they made together was _h-ex-cell-ent_. 

            Lup was attached to Taako the whole time, a hand on his back, bumping into him while they reached across each other, and when the milk was warming up on the stove, Lup stood in front focusing on the fire under it while Taako wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed into her, his chin resting on her shoulder while he watched.  Taako could feel her heart beat in his shoulders, and while they stood in front of the stove she calmed down, and breathed deeper and easier.  Taako could feel every muscle in her body release a little bit, while she had all these small things to focus her brain and her body on.  Her mind stayed firmly in the moment for the twelve minutes of keeping the low heat under the milk and her feet under her and Taako standing right there with her.  She didn’t have the think about breathing to keep doing it, like she had been for weeks now.  Her eyes felt heavy while the steam curled off the pot, and Taako was talking about his day.  Bubbles formed at the surface, gently growing and popping, and Lup focused on that, nodding along with Taako’s story. 

 

            Once the cocoa was ready, they portioned out cups for themselves, Taako pouring a bit of whiskey into each one, and left the pot to cool on the stove, and the mess to deal with in the morning.  Shortly, Taako joined her on the couch with a plate of macaroons that Angus had made for them.  They were basically cookie cutter, you’d think they were factory made by how gorgeous they were, but they were also made so fresh and airy you know someone had handled each one with care.  Lup snatched one off the plate, and tried a small bite, distrusting of anything that didn’t come from her or her brother.  (Okay, sometimes she’d humor Barry but like.  It never ended well.)

            “Achi wow wow, this is tasty,” Lup took another generous bite. “Are you sure you didn’t make these?”

            “Nope, boy wonder did it all on his own.  I gave him the recipe and he’s assisted me in the kitchen with ‘em a coupla times but.  He got these out all on his own.”

            “Are we gonna have some competition?” 

            “As if anyone could come through against us.”  Taako laughed, and Lup laughed.  And she felt something sour in her heart.  Because Taako referred to them as an “us.”  And.  They are, they always have been.  But she was gone, and he was some taped together version of himself.  He didn’t know.  And she couldn’t reach him, even when he was holding her in his hands.  And now they were back!  But, it wasn’t them, not in the same way.  And they were taking care of it.  But it was still so… so much.  Too much, sometimes.  Lup focused on the warm mug in her hand and the way it tickled and burned on the way down.  Taako had curled up against the side of the long couch, and draped a blanket over his legs, but he watched her get tugged back through the back of her mind.  He set an arm along the edge of the couch, and called her attention.  She leaned into him, cocoa balanced on her knee, cookies accessible via Taako, and rested on her brother’s chest.  He had an arm wrapped around her, hand on her elbow, and held her close, taking deep breaths; she followed suit.  When her breathing evened back out again, she took another long sip of the cocoa. 

            “Jeebus, you made this strong.”  Lup commented when a crash of whiskey hit her tongue. 

            “I know what the fuck I’m about.”  They clinked mugs, cheers to that. 

            “I probably don’t have any alcohol tolerance anymore.  _Oh no_.  Is Barry gonna start out drinking me?”  Lup joked, earning a hard laugh from Taako.

            “So can my honey, guess we’ll just have to be the loser lightweights crushing it at kareoke.” They shared a laugh, but it fell out of Lup’s heart too quickly.  She wishes she could pick it up off the ground and put it back.  Silence crept between them while Lup considered it.  What else was different about her new body?  Thankfully, she didn’t have to re-transition or anything terribly dramatic but.  It still felt like trying on a new pair of too big shoes, and insisting that “you’ll grow into them.” 

            “What is rattling around in that big head of yours?”

            “Please, you’ve always had a bigger head and you know that.” 

            “That’s just because my hair is better.  Yours is fine, I guess but.  What are you gonna do?”  Taako had grown his hair out a lot.  Where it used to end between his shoulders, it fell to his waist, often twisted into a long braid or wrapped in a bun on top of his head.  Right now, it flowed over on shoulder, and Lup fiddled with it, it was soft and fresh, with springs of lavender and lemongrass, like she remembered he liked to keep it.  “Seriously.”

            “I don’t know.”  Lup cast her eyes down, focusing ono Taako’s hair and the warmth of his heartbeat under her, and the sharp feeling of the whiskey still in her throat.  She gulps down the rest of the cocoa and sets the mug on the coffee table.  Taako waited for her to continue. 

 

            “I’m really--.”  Lup hesitated, uncertain.  “I really missed being me.”

            “Uh-huh.”  Taako agreed, encouraging her to keep going.

            “And…I missed having a body.  And seeing everyone, with my eyes, and eating food, feeling things in my hands, and, being alive, everything else of it.”  She took a sharp, deep breath, and let it out her mouth slow.  “Nothing feels real if I’m not doing it.”  Taako sat and listened, his mug abandoned on the coffee table, and his arm around Lup tightly.  She pressed into him deeply, focusing on the touch of it and how he still smelled like himself.  It was still her brother.  Of course.  _Of course._

            “I—we stopped running.  I never thought we would and we did.  And now.  We’re done running.  Forever.  No more next reality, no more fighting.  I got a new body and a new life.  And I’m with everyone I love, I have you back, and Barry’s back, and.  It’s so much.”  Tears streamed down her cheeks, and dropped onto Taako’s clothes.  He nodded in agreement. 

            “Guess we’re gonna have to figure out how to be housewives now, huh?”  Taako cracked, and making Lup giggle.  “That’s balls dude.” 

 

            “Am I the same?”  Lup asked after the laughter fell away from her. 

            “You’re my sister, still.  You’re Lup.”  Taako said.  He sighed.  “I know I’m not, uh, the same.  I know, I don't even look the same.  But I’m still your brother.”  Something hurt in his voice.  It kept the words tight and bundled and twisted together.  And it made Lup’s stomach twist in kind. She shivered with it.  “I guess.  Look, Lup.  This is really fucking scary for me.  I forgot everything, and now it's all _back_.  And we're just moving on with our lives, and rebuilding the fucking world to boot.  Oh, sorry if there was a little collateral damange when we saved this planar system.  I've got a boy who’s stuck around for more than a month?  We’re moving into our flats next year.  Like goddamn adults.  Maybe we’re not the same as we were before joining IPRE, or before the century we spent running around, or the apocalypse, or last week.” Taako took in a deep, shaky breath.  “But like, fuck, as long as I’m your brother, and you’re my sister, and we have each other.  That’s what matters.”  She sat in what he said, enjoying it, and feeling his pulse plomb through her chest, and after a long quiet while, the two hearts synced up for the first time in years.

            “Thanks, Taako.”  He placed another kiss in her hair, and hummed an affirmative.  For the first time since she got sucked into that goddamn umbrella, she enjoyed a spell of silence. 

 

Taako’s stone buzzed from the kitchen.  He brought it over without getting up, casting a quick Mage Hand, staying with Lup. 

 

            “Hello dear.”  Kravitz called from inside.  “Just got back to the plane, and I wanted to see you.”

            “I’m hanging with Lup right now, can I call you back?”  Lup pushed his shoulder in protest.

            “No, no, go.  See your man.  I’m fine.”

            “Lulu, I’m gluing myself to your couch I’m not going anywhere.  Babe, if you wanna see me, you can visit me in my new residence, Salon de Lup.  They have _hex-cell-ent_ spiced cocoa.  It’s fucking delicious, you gotta try it.”    Lup laughed again, and Taako took that as a good sign.  “I’ll call you in a bit okay?  Let yourself in.”  Kravitz bid farewell before the line went dead.    

            “Barry will be home in like five minutes.  I will be fine if I’m alone for five minutes.”

            “Fuck, you don’t see me for twelve fucking years and now you can’t wait to get rid of me.”  He said it lightly, with a joke in his voice.  “Can’t I enjoy some quality time with my favorite sister?” 

            “Ugh, I guess.”  Lup prodded back.  It was good to joke, to be casual with him.  They both heard the telltale sound of a tear down the hall, just outside Taako’s quarters. 

            “Damn, I didn’t realize how much sound carries from the hall.”

            “Oh, hun.  Sometimes it carries from your bedroom.”

            “No, I think it’s just that I’m just _really_ loud in bed.  The other night, I’m sure you heard, Kravy—“

            “Nope, nope, nope. Don’t finish that sentence.”

            “I had to spend three decades sharing a wall with you and Barold, gods forbid you hear one sex from me.”

            “Yeah, now that I’m signed up to be an emissary of death, I had a chat with RQ, and they totally do.”  Taako couldn’t help but laugh and bring her closer.  She breathed it in deep and slow. 

            “I will stay until Barry comes to sweep you away.”  He pressed a kiss onto her head, and she practiced the deep breaths that she could luxuriate in now.  She nodded in agreement, and closed her eyes. 

 

She didn’t open them again until she felt her body shifting.  Rather, her body being shifted.  She found Barry had come back, and was prying her quietly from Taako’s embrace.  “Hey babe.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.”  Barry spoke against her forehead before kissing her there.  “Go back to sleep.” Lup took one Barry’s jaw in one hand and pulled him into a _very_ deep kiss. 

“Gross!”  Taako threw a pillow at both of them, still laughing.  “At least let me _go_ before you start fucking.”  Barry flushed a deep red, but Lup laughed, her feet back on the ground, and an arm around Barry’s waist.   

“Thanks for hanging out tonight.”  Taako rolled his eyes in response, but the wide smile betrayed him.

“Yeah, yeah.  Goofus.   Brunch tomorrow? My place?” 

“Of course.”

“Bring your nerd along, I’ve missed him too.”  Barry pulled Taako into a big hug, which Taako reciprocated, but still complained, “Ugh, he’s gonna get his nerd germs on me.”  Taako gave both Lup and Barry kisses on the cheek, and Lup’s hand another squeeze before picking up and walking down the hall, back to his quarters.  Even through the closed door, they could hear him. 

“Hey bone daddy, get ready.  There’s something I wanna try out.” 

 

“Should I cast—“

“Silence on our quarters?  Just did.”  And it was Barry’s turn to pull her into a deep kiss.              

 

 


	2. Barry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry and Lup are settling into a new post-apocalypse routine. It's very brand new, but, even as they're settling back in, there's a couple new factors.

            Lup pulled Barry into their room, her hand moving up under his shirt so her palm could lay on his back.  Barry hummed with the contact, his hand at her waist as well.  He guided her forward, as waves of tiredness fell over her.  But _Barry was back_.  She wasn’t going to waste their catching up time sleeping. 

            “How was the meeting with Lucretia tonight?” 

            “Better than I expected.  She’s—more like herself I think, when it’s just me.  Or, she’s more like how she was at the end, on the Starblaster.”  Lup nodded and following Barry’s gaze as it wandered across the wall. 

            “What else is it?”

            “She’s—I don’t know.  She’s totally thrown herself into rebuilding Faerun, she has meetings with the Southern caucus next week, and that’s part of what we were doing, getting her ready.  But nothing is moving quickly enough, or brought back right, in the way that she wants it to.  It’s just frustrating.” Lup nodded with him, and laid back in the bed.  She tugged his hand to join her, but once she hit the bed, she remembered how _tired_ she was. 

            “I know, babe.  I think she wants to—to make the world like it was before we even got here but.  That’s not how it works.  I don’t think.”  A yawn curled out of her while Barry changed into his boxers and tank top for bed.  “But we’re all back together.  That’s what matters.” Lup fiddled with the ends of her hair, and watched Barry carefully, her eyes following the constriction of his muscles and the pull of the fabric, and the soft wobbling of his skin. 

            “Do you want to come to the next one?”  Barry sat down on the edge of the bed, one hand resting gently on hers.  “She’d love to have you, I know. You are brilliant.” Barry smiled down at her, and Lup grinned back before tugging his hand to indicate he should kiss her if he was going to be such a fucking sap.  He bent over her, and pressed a kiss to her nose before kissing her properly again.  His stubble scratched against her lips and cheeks, and she had missed this so much.  It was like late nights in the lab, when he coaxed her up to bed with a gentle suggestion, and rested his chin on her shoulder, and spoke into the crook of her neck while she was huddled over her notes.  Or the morning when she woke him up to present breakfast after one of those late nights, and though he slept like a drunk log, a kiss on the cheek from Lup was enough to bring him back to this reality.  Decades of these memories kept Lup sane when she was left for a cycle without him, and trapped in the umbrella before Taako found her.  So the feeling of it now was so, _so_ much, of Barry right here with her and they both had the same kind of body in the same place for the first time in twelve years.  This dream that kept her alive was hovering over her, was just down the hall, was so close after her long isolation.  Her heart overfilled with love and the warmth of it, and the pressure of it was more than she could handle right now. 

When Barry pulled back, he saw the tear streaks down her face and all the too big emotions welled up in her eyes.  He pulled Lup under the covers with him and pulled her as close as he could, with arms wrapped around her.  She pressed herself into him, relishing every single point of contact when their skin pressed together, where she could hear his heartbeat through it.  She focused on that, on hers and Barry’s back with each other where they belonged. 

“Tell me about your day, babe.”  Barry felt her inhale sharply. “I know it’s a lot, to be back in the world, and with a body, and back with everyone.”  Barry paused, listening to her quietness, and sat with her in it.  “But we’ve got all the time in the world now.  And you’re not going through it alone.” _You’re never going to have to go through anything alone again._ Lup nodded with it, and Barry just held her. 

“I—I did my PT.  The medics think it’s really important but.  It feels so small.  I know how to walk.  And use my arms.  Dickweeds.” 

“Merle and I also think it’s very important.”

“Ugh, whatever _dad._   I’m fine, Magnus has the bruises to prove it.”  Barry laughed and placed another kiss in her hair.  The quiet between them was soft, the way quiet is in the early afternoon of your day off.  She held onto every little thing in this moment, of having him wrapped up with her, and the gentle voice he used with her when she was falling asleep, and the hum of both of them being alive. He took his thumb to wipe away a couple tears that pooled under her eyes and leaned his forehead into hers.  Lup giggled, the smallest, wettest, cutest little laugh, and Barry pressed whispers into her skin, along her ears and jaw, down her neck, across her nose.

_I can’t believe I get to hold you again._

_You’re more beautiful than I remembered._

_Fuck the whole world, let’s stay here forever._

_We’re gonna build a new life together here._

_Thank you for waiting for us to find you._

Lup pressed into the affection and let it wash over her entirely, hands resting on Barry’s skin, his ribs and his back.   They are wrapped up together, Barry has his ear against her chest, and she stroked out his hair.  He listened for her heart beat under him, and she feels a couple stray tears fall onto her shirt.  She only hums to acknowledge it, still stroking at his hair.  It had been like this a lot since Lup had her body back.  Every moment they spent alone together they talked about their days, about how they were doing.  Barry worried about her so much, having a new body and coming back into the world.  He was always checking in with her, and fawning over her, and showing her the kind of tenderness that he gave her on the roughest cycles, when they lost Taako early, or when the Hunger came too soon, or when he got back after being gone for most of the year.  And Lup had always been resilient, but the love that Barry showed her, just the right kind when she needed it, filled her up and broke her open in just the way she needed. 

 

“Barry.”

“Yes, my dear.”

“I love you so much.”  His grip around her tightened as she said that. 

“I love you too, Lup.  Always.”

“I’m very tired.”

“I know, babe.  It’s really hard getting into a new body.”

“I want you to get hard into my new body.”  Barry snorted with laughter, and Lup broke into a fit of giggles in turn.  She peppered kisses all in his hair, while he wiped away the freshest tears from his eyes. 

“Maybe tomorrow morning.  When I’m less snotty and gross.”  As if on cue,  the distinctive noise of furniture banging against the wall, and the dramatic sexual cries of the _worst twin in the world_ came through the wall.

“Did he fucking break my spell?”  Lup asked while she got up to pound on the wall.  “Keep it down, horndogs.  Some of us have work in the morning.”  The rocking did stop, followed shortly by Taako, still breathy like a Fantasy 1930s Porn Star, cried out, “ _sex me harder, Kravy.”_ The matching incredulity in Barry and Lup’s faces set both of them into fit of giggles, before Barry pulled Lup down to him and started biting at her neck.  After that first sigh that Barry was after, he pulled himself on top of her, and whispered at the skin of her ear, sending goose bumps all along her exposed skin.

“I bet we could be louder.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i guess im doing the damn thing!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment if you could, I really appreciate your constructive criticism. 
> 
> I'm thinking about making this into a little series, where Lup has moments with the whole IPRE family. I'll certainly give it a shot! 
> 
> You're welcome to hmu on my tumblr:  
> @anastronomicalsmile is my main &  
> @balancebeans is my taz/mcelroy 
> 
> Please send prompts!!
> 
> \--  
> writing while cis: I wanted to write about Lup's feelings about being back in her body again, and how dissociation after her time in Umbrella hell goes for her. I don't want to make any claims about what Lup having transitioned means because that's not what this is about. But it makes sense in the timeline to me that this is post-transition Lup's body so she doesn't have to deal with gender dysphoria on top of all this.


End file.
